'I would often body-shame myself' - Prajakta Koli
The league of followers that she has amassed as a video content-creator is testimony of Prajakta Koli's prowess before the camera, a fact that only gained credence with her commendable debut act in Netflix's Mismatched. Koli admits it could be tough to understand why someone as seemingly fit as she is would be apprehensive about her physical appearance. "As far as I am concerned, I would often body-shame myself," says the actor-influencer, adding that inhibitions pertaining to her petite frame, and skin, often got the better of her.
Chatting with us over a video call, she pokes fun at the quantity of make-up she would don before appearing before the camera at the onset of her career as a YouTuber. One day, she was too lazy to wear any. "The amount of comments that I got from my followers caught me off-guard. People wrote to me stating that it was nice to see me shoot a video that way." For Koli, mending her relationship with herself was facilitated via the very platform for which she was creating content. Interacting with her followers, she learnt early on about women's inhibitions, and the extent to which they affected their behaviour. Their comments, she says, enabled her to heal herself.
Instead of expressing dissent, she began to treat her body with love, and knew that taking to a fitness routine was one way to do that. Koli has briefly flirted with exercise routines over several years, but it was only during the lockdown that she was able to commit to one. "On outdoor schedules, I now travel with my yoga mat. So, I know that this routine is now becoming part of my lifestyle."
'I look out for triggers that lead me to eat poorly' - Shaheen Bhatt
She may have been applauded for disclosing her struggle with depression, and repeatedly attempting to normalise discussion around it. But, once the cameras are turned off, Shaheen Bhatt's battle with mental health — and an eating disorder associated with it — is still entirely hers to wage. Her love-hate relationship with food traces back to when she was 13. "Eating disorders are considered mental disorders because our relationship with food is as psychological as it is physical. People need a lot of help with it, and it is something that should be looked at as seriously as we now do depression. [Eating excessively] is an issue that I have dealt with all my life. Even today, I need to pay immense attention to it," says the author, adding that having oscillated between two extremes — binge-eating and food deprivation — she is now vigilant about triggers that point her in the wrong direction.
"I consciously work towards eating normally. When I realise that I am eating poorly, I try to identify the reason behind the emotional distress that is triggering the action. People need to know that such disorders must be actively dealt with. Just as you work on enhancing your relationship with yourself, you can enhance your equation with food."
Bhatt admits that when her mental health took a toll, she always turned to food to seek comfort. "But, I wish I knew then that what I was using to comfort myself was actually a tool of self-harm, if exploited. It took me a while to identify that healthy eating is a sign of self-love. The weight-gain that accompanies binge-eating is not even a significant issue. It is the psychological damage that follows that is more profound."
'Don't judge yourself even before others have judged you' - Shikha Talsania
Before she decided to pursue a career in Bollywood, Shikha Talsania had to make peace with the fact that she wouldn't bag lead roles because she "looked a particular way". Four years into the business, Talsania says the industry has surprised and shocked her in equal measure. On one hand, the "fertile period" that the industry is currently going through implies that collaborators look beyond an actor's physical appeal when casting them for roles. On the other hand, a sense of insecurity is eternally prevalent. "[The bias] is definitely there. [I] hope that [I am] considered for parts that go beyond [the superficial]. I have worked hard to reach a point where I can focus on what I can do instead of how I look."
Having once reached a breaking point, the Coolie No 1 actor says a fair share of healing took place after she initiated conversations with herself. "I don't think too many people do that. But having those conversations helped me. You need to get over the fear of judgment, and especially the tendency to judge yourself before the world judges you." She trained her focus on her skills, and began to approach characters differently. "I don't look at characters as [roles that must be played by one who is] fat or thin. That's the only way I have been able to keep my sanity and enjoy my work."
Introspection also encouraged her to take to a health routine that aided in the healing. "[I have learnt that] I have to move every day. I focused on getting healthier instead of losing weight. I hope that when I am an 80-year-old, I can touch my toes and get back up on my own."
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